I love Cats - A Paul Minns Story

The cat (Felis catus),

It was a cold winters afternoon, the last of the leaves were falling from a large oak tree as I walked past, my breath condensed in the air, I shivered and at that same moment heard a soft 'meow' coming from above me. I paused for a second. I heard it again. "Meow".

Followed by "Help". I looked up, the low winter sun dazzling me as I did so. "meow", I heard it again. I squinted, the sillouette of a man came into focus.

"Hello?" I said with a quationable tone. "Who's that?"

"I'm stuck in this large oak tree" the shrill voice squeeked.

"Oh, right, who are you?" I asked.

"I'ts me Paul Minns" the voice replied. I still couldn't see clearly, so took a step forward.

"I'm Sorry" I chuckled, "Can you repeat that? It sounded as if you said your name was Paul Minns. But he has been missing for 6 years."

"I know sir, for I am stuck in this large oak tree."

"No" I interject, "It cannot be!" I took a another step forward and brought up my hand sheilding the sun from my gaze. I couldn't believe it. Dropping to my knees with sheer disbelief. "Paul, Do you expect me to believe that you have been stuck in a tree for 6 years?"

"No, you miss understand" he replied "I have only been stuck up here for the last 20 minutes, For I have caught my leg on a branch. For the last 6 years I have been living on the Greatfield Estate with a lioness named Sheeba" We have 3 cubs, Mike, Pete and Steve, we are very happy together,"

"Okay, but how did you end up in this large oak tree?" I asked.

"I was hunting a sparrow" he swiftly replied.

"I have never heard such a crock of shit in all my life, good day Mr Minns"

"No!, wait, please call the fire brigade" He pleaded. Reluctantly I took out my mobile phone and dialed 999.

"Well Mr Minns, this is were we part company, I want no further part in your filthy web of lies" I said as he gentley groomed himself with the back of his hand"

"Ok, I new you wouldn't believe me that's why I have kept out of all your lives for the last 6 years, I knew you wouldn't approve of my new lifestyle... As a Cat. Here, take this photo, it was taken at Christmas. It's the only time Sheeba and I have ventured out in public. We went to the Boars Nest, she insisted, I prefer Dukes but... Women eh?" he chuckled"

"Erm Yeah, bye weirdo"

As distant sirens grew ever nearer I walked onward to Tesco Express, (which is where I was going, i didn't mention that in the begining, but thats where I was going).

THE END